Skinny Bitch

I leave for Texas in the morning. Don't know if I'll be able to get on the internet while I'm there.

I feel this weird in between feeling, like I'm stuck between all the things ending and starting. on a small scale, summer ends and autumn begins, on a large scale high school begins its draw to a close and college is on the horizon.

I'm beginning to doubt my plans, which is something I just don't do. I'm the one who says go big or why go at all; only now I'm wondering if maybe I didn't account for veering off course.

I think I've officially made college an undiscussable topic with all of my friends at this point. Well, that's not entirely true, but mostly. At least to a certain extent.

I just don't get... a lot of things. I made a list, but then decided it was better not to. I'm just going to keep my mouth shut unless my opinion is asked for, that is a good safe approach.

My legs are cold.

Goodnight.

Oh, p.s. I'm thinking I might start a bookblog. Maybe call it BookSnob, or Novel Idea. I dunno. I haven't decided if I would actually keep it up.

Lyrics and More

Lyrics of the Day:

One by one, the days fall beside us like yellow leaves We have no conscience Oh, what we're becoming  Month by month, the rings on our tree trunks, like old wise eyes, grow wider and winter lends them a dead disguise  Now time- like an ocean knows tide - like a notion to toss about the house and lose inside the couch And piles of our thoughts run miles in the dark just tryin to get home  Age by age, we rhyme with our seasons' rehearsed routines Still turning and returning  Now I'm wide as the ocean Now I bleed roses And you are just a mark on the map of my past But I am a road I wind along alone all day until the coast

is it weird that sometimes I still get nervous when I see you?

I'm just a little bit fascinated by you. It's weird. I look at you, and sometimes I just want to keep looking until I can't any more. 

God that sounds creepy. 

I'm a really touch oriented person. Like... if I don't come into contact with people, I don't feel real. I'm constantly poking at Natasha, or 'accidentally' bumping into people, or even just adjust my foot a little so that our shoes touch. I like contact. 

I heard once that hugging releases some of the pull of gravity on two bodies- it's as close as we can get to floating. Isn't that amazing? 

Imani and Belen came to see the show today. It made me so happy. 

Lipkin and Karvenz came last night, that was cool too. Bee came. Man, I haven't seen her forever. She doesn't even know about me. Or maybe she does. I don't know. I don't even know who knows. People that I think don't know do, and people I think know don't. 

The show is over. I'm so glad. So so so glad. I'm just... tired. I wish I had one more day before going back to school, to recuperate from spring break. But actually, school won't be bad. I have Rainbow to look forward throughout the day. I can always relax there. 

Natasha told me I should go to Boston U with her and Callie. It's funny, cause when I started looking at BU I thought she would be annoyed and think that I was only doing it because she was. She's weird about stuff like that. I'd love to go to school with her. 

She says her and Callie are gonna get married in 6 years. They've apparently discussed this, got it all planned out. That makes me happy. It also makes me a little sad, because time passes so quickly. We've changed so much. There are so many things that are the same, and so many things that are completely and totally different from the way things used to be. 

She has her seventeenth birthday coming up. I have to figure out what I'm going to get her. It has to be something good. Something really good. Gifts are like... my thing. I always know what to get the people that really matter. But I just haven't thought of anything yet. I want it to be something meaningful, but I always want it to be... hopeful and happy. Maybe something about the way things have changed, and the way they've stayed the same, in all the good ways. 

I found my ipod, it was in the ONE pocket of my purse.

I should shower and then go to sleep. 

My thoughts are so scattered. 

Goodnight.  

Keeping me an angry secret

Do you ever just get... really pissed at someone?
Pissed that they're talking to you
Or pissed that they're not talking to you
even if it's not an active thing, they're not choosing it, per se, they're just... doing it


I hate when colleges send me letters telling me they could send me a booklit about choosing the right college
I hate when people post bulletins with absurd titles and then all they say inside is 'Haha' or some other B.S.
I hate when you say something about someone, and they hear it/see it, but don't acknowledge it
I hate when people say 'we haven't talked in forever!' when they haven't tried to talk to you at all
I hate when people ask questions that they could figure out for themselves if they gave it half a thought before they asked


I wish time stopped when you went to sleep and you woke up just after the time you went to sleep


P.S. I love you, despite all the things in the way

I wish I could see the stars up close. I know I'd probably never be able to see again, but I think that would be okay with me.