We'll see

So, I'm kind of considering getting a tumblr, because they actually look super user friendly. I dunno.
Apparently you can interface it with like everything, so theoretically I could connect it here, and it'd post all my updates to tumblr too. I don't know what the point of that would be, but I could do it.
I dunno.

Talk the Talk

I rather dislike that even after people delete their blogs, they still show up in my feed.

I woke up ten minutes earlier than I needed to, wide awake. It was great.

I feel good.

I have banish all my nerves about college and figuring stuff out.

I survived the transition from being home schooled to public, public to magnet and I kept freaking straight A's. I can do it. No problem.

Still, in tribute-

"It is my first morning of high school, I have seven new notebooks, a skirt I hate, and a stomachache."

It's about time to senior walk it out.

Chelsee/Chelsea

I want to start a blog with a purpose. Which sounds odd, so maybe I'll rephrase a bit:

I'm going to assume you've all seen the trailer for the movie 'Julie & Julia', where a women named Julie decides she is going to cook her way through Julia Childs cookbook and blog about it all.

I want to do something like that. I mean, without the cooking. Just something with some kind of actual purpose driving it.

But I don't know what.

I'll ponder it for a while, I suppose.

Things that make you go 'Huhmm'

Today I wanted to go out. I could even get the car. I probably still could. I was even willing to drive to great lengths to taxi whoever else was part of this 'going out'

only

I didn't want to go with any of my usual friends.

Well, that's not quite right. If they had asked me to do something, I would have said yes, but I was feeling like... everyone I know either knows me too well, or thinks they know me too well and I just wanted to be around someone with a limited knowledge I guess.

No such luck.

I was right about Brendan and Rachell- they are going out. It's funny though that they didn't get together until after they put an ocean between themselves.

Belen's blog is invite only now.

I think I've overcome the need to worry about not engaging now.

I was writing earlier. It was going well. But I stopped because I need a name. Madison isn't working for me. Only, now I'm here.

I feel like I'll have more to say later, so on that note:

Go do something productive. Maybe read a book.

Curve the Bullet.

I've got a lot of a fragments of a lot of blogs inside my head

• You know, you sound really ignorant when you say things like, "that's gay" or "you're a fag" - way to demonstrate how little our youth has learned and how lacking our vocabulary is.
• I love yoga. We do this thing called brain wave vibration where there's music on, sometimes this weird korean pop-y stuff, but usually drumming- especially African tribal stuff, and everyone closes their eyes ad you just dance and move and let go of everything. You just allow yourself to exist. Today at yoga I started thinking about Belen, and this blog, and the fact that I haven't signed her yearbook, and what I would write in it and... then I let it all go and just moved faster. Let go. Faster than your thoughts.
• When my sister was little, she cut her lips and tongue with scissors. Three or Four times. "No Kaity, don't do that. Stop playing with the scissors. Pay attention. You're going to cut yourself." I guess she has to cut herself open a few times before she'll stop doing it. Literally and figuratively. I wish she didn't have to. I wish I didn't have to witness it.
• My mom keeps talking to me about my sister and saying how she's just a lot like my dad, she 'likes to push the envelope' and 'see what she can get away with' and she always says that I'm more like her (my mom). She says we don't like to break the rules and we do what we're told. She always says, "I don't know if that's good or bad." I get really upset when she says that. I'm not missing out on anything. I'm not holding myself back from things I want to do. I think doing things just to see what will happen is stupid. If she feels like she's missing out, then fine, but don't drag me into that. Don't put me down because I don't touch an iron just to see if its hot, or because you feel like you're missing out.
• My mom tells me about the fights she has with my dad. I'm trying to find a good way to tell her that I think she needs to find someone else to talk to because I have a hard enough time with my dad without hearing about the fights they have and all their problems.
• It's really irritating when two people are talking to you, and talking to each other, and telling you what the other ones says instead of each person just telling you themselves.
• You are not trying. I've tried. I've tried because you said you wanted to try. I'm pretty sure I'm done trying.
• I'm not judging you when I tell you I don't like things you do, I'm trying to be someone who will give you some perspective, someone who doesn't just do what everyone else does. But I get that you don't like it, and that its probably best to just not say anything.
• I hope you know I'm talking to you.
• I feel like breaking something. I bought shot glasses at the 99 cent store just so I could break them. That was back when my grandpa was stick, and my aunt was visiting. I haven't broken a single one yet.
• I want to talk to a real person instead of writing this blog.
• The other day, I got a little bit scared about graduating and moving on from high school, which is new for more.
• If we can't even keep in touch over the summer, we won't keep in touch in the future.
• It's been... a weird night.
• Goodnight.

Public Information

My sister posted a blog

I pretty much think its bullshit so she could get out of being in trouble with my parents and explain away her misadventures

but I'll keep that to myself

or... at least to my blog.

9 hours and 18 minutes until I leave my house for a week

I think privately following blogs is creepy

Also, I mention things to people that I read in the blogs all the time

I think I freak Clacel out when I do it

I never thought it was weird until Angel said Jon asked when we were doing pictures and I said, "You told him?" and she said, "No. You didn't?"

given that this is the only other place I mentioned it, I assume that's where he got it from

Hi Jon.

I need to finish packing a go to bed. 

Natasha is picking me up at 6 AM

First I was kind of irritated/disappointed that she's just picking me up in the morning instead of me staying over their tonight, but now I'm glad because this is the last time I'll be in my house for a week, and may be the last time I'm in my house alone for a continuous amount of time for a while

"I finally meet someone with a personality and you want to send him away!"

There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how

when I first thought that, I didn't realize it was a song lyric.

I have a lot of thoughts on life and death and the reason I love to watch reruns of television shows, even ones I didn't watch when they originally aired

but its too much for one blog

for any number of blogs

those are the sort of things you have to tell a real person, so you can ramble and stumble and get off topic, and leave and come back 

maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me

Now state lines is like a Berlin wall and there was no doubt about which side I was on

It breaks my fucking heart that we've been reduced to communicating via blog

I don't say things like, 'it breaks my heart' or 'it kills me' or 'pain in the ass' because next thing you know you end up having a heart attack, or with some sort of literal pain in your ass, but I can't find any other way to describe it

what are we doing? 

Sometimes it feels like I'm not going anywhere, and then I step back and look at the progress I'm making and I realize that I am moving in a distinguishable direction and its where I want to go, I just don't seem to be taking the rest of my relationships with me...

Lullaby

I write a lot of blogs. 

But I don't think I've perfected writing them. I don't know what the appropriate balance of truth, and theoretical possibilities and off-topic comments is.

You know what I do know?

That my sister is a little bitch when her friends are around. 

She gives me shit all the time- it's fucking irritating. 

"What- LESBATRON? What?"

"THE GAS TANK IS EMPTY"

"Isn't it past your bed time?"

"Why do you sleep on the couch? That's weird. It's really weird." 

I can sleep on the couch if I want to, mind your own damn business bitchtron. 

I love her.

I just...

Want her to stop hanging out with bitching little girls that she tries to impress by being a show-off. 

I need to go to sleep. I need to chill out because in the five-ish minutes it's taken me to write this, I stressed myself out even more than I was before. 

I should have used my spring break more effectively, to do homework.

No, fuck that, I had a really good spring break. 

Excuse my language- my brain has been running on high for a little bit too long.

Maybe tomorrow I'll post The Rules. 

P.S. There's a hole in my sock. The sock is blue. Now I have to throw it out. That's disappointing.

Hey- I don't like your pants.

Sometimes I just want to say - FYI, you suck. Thanks for nothing.

Just to see if it makes me feel good.

I don't think it would though.

So I don't. 

I wonder if this blog is worth it.

In the spirit of commiseration

Sometimes it's nice to know that you're not the only one who feels like the world is trying to swallow you up. 

Not twenty minutes ago I post a blog about not posting a blog, and here I am posting one. I have to though, after peaking into the (not-so) secret lives of some friends in the blogosphere. 

Well now I've gotta do it. 

I spend so much time thinking about whether I do things or not, once other people are doing it, I just jump in with reckless abandon and have to do it.

That's not entirely true. 

Maybe not true at all.

But I wish it was. 

Or maybe I wish it wasn't?

In other news: Megan will be starting up a blogspot soon for her 'The Quest to find something for Megan Becerra' 

Nothing shall go unrated. 

"Life... No one gets out alive."