So fucking say something already...

Why yes, I do use blog titles as a form of communication as well as to say thing I'm thinking even if they're not related to what I'm blogging about.

I've basically just been listening to Paramore and Falling Slowly (last lyrics of the day) for the past.... week? Falling Slowly has only been in there for 3 days. It's good though.

I bought Walden. I'm pretty excited about reading it; a whole work of legit transcendentalism.

I can't say if it's helped with the writing, or hindered it. However- there has been writing. I'm committed to this. Even if it inspires a certain level of self-loathing. I'm prepared to let that go, because self-doubt is the enemy of creativity.

I'm going to rearrange my bookshelf in alphabetical order by author. Why? Because I can. I'm in the process of trying to get books back from people that I've lent them and they've either finished, or aren't going to read.

So if you have any- give them back. That's right, I said it. I want them back.

haha

You can help me organize them if you want to.

Would I be a total loser if I made a catalogue to go along with it? Yeah. I would be. But I mean, that could be effective- having a list of all my books. Okay.... Maybe not. I'm not that big of a geek yet.

I am gonna start keeping track of how much money I spent, particularly on books. Not so much to stop myself from spending, per se, just to make myself more aware.

That makes sense- right?

I've been wanting my schedule for school. Badly. I finally got it today. It's all messed up because they have me in PE II & Computers because I'm missing those credits. I'm signed up for them on Virtual HS though, so I just have to verify that I'll be taking those and then bring them with me on Monday morning.

I wish I could have done that earlier so I'd have a legit, final schedule.

I'm so excited about my sister coming to school. I think it's going to be a really good year.

Alright, I gotta get in the shower, and then I'm going to Natasha's so- have a good day/weekend all.

Scholarship Whore.

Okay, so despite the cheesiness of that banner, the site actually is a good one and if you click it and sign up it enters me into a scholarship thing (and one of my friends, which could be you, which gives us a symbiotic scholarship relationship) so really you should just sign up :]

Bad Ass Blogger

I can get to blogger from school.

This has got to be too good to be true. 

Or maybe it's not. 

I talked to Natasha on the phone this morning about events as of late, and when I got to school I couldn't stop thinking about it- it was really bothering me. Angel and I walked around for a while though, which made it easier to not think about it so much. She told me about Star Trek- which she loved.

She was reading over my shoulder before, but now I think she's stopped. Yep. Just me now. 

I know Natasha was right of course, and that by extension Molly was right, as much as I hate to say that Molly is right when I have to hear what it is she's right about through second hand knowledge. 

Thus, I've resolved to move on. I feel weird about it though. Not the moving on, but the fact that I've decided that I'm going to- so I will. It doesn't seem like the sort of thing you should be able to just do. But then I guess the fact that I can just say, "Yeah, this isn't working, I'm gonna do things differently-" is a sign that things were really right to start with. 

I could actually sit here and write a lot more, because I have more to say- but I'm afraid that I'm gonna get in trouble or something, and lose my blogger privileges. 

Meh.

I don't use tags any more- maybe I should.

I hope Megan is at school- I don't want to drive home by myself today.

Good Will Blogging

This morning I was... hectic, to say the least. All I wanted was to stay home from school and sleep, my mom made me go to school though, which was actually a good thing. 

I felt good today. I guess I needed to get some stuff out of my system, and once I did it helped a lot. 

It wasn't an earth shattering day or anything, but it didn't need to be. It was... smooth. Do you ever have days like that? Where nothing amazing happens, but the day is still really good? 

I think I'm gonna get to bed, but I may post tomorrow about college stuff. 

"Speech! Speech"

The Valedictorian Speech I felt compelled to write, even though there's no reason. 

P.S. This is the pop culture addition, FYI.

My fellow children of the 90's, esteemed followers of the Rugrats, Boy Meets World, Saved by the Bell reruns, and Beverly Hills 90210- even though we were too young to watch - I am proud to welcome you to our high school graduation. 

It has been a long road from the days of cartoons and beanie babies, to the age of ipods and reality television, but the one thing that has stayed the same throughout it all is high school, every middle schoolers desire to enter high school, and every high schoolers desire to leave it. (Necessary pause for laughter) We look forward to our freshman year even before we truly understand what it means, and here we are as seniors, staring freshman year in the face once again- whether that be in academic endeavors, or in the workforce. 

We have grown up in a time of great change, become the generation of the internet, Mac's versus PC's, the O.C. and America Idol. But we are also more than that, we are the generation of Invisible Children and To Write Love on Her Arms, of grassroots movements and change. We are a generation with the capability to reach across the world to help another, and in turn help ourselves; a generation with unlimited resources should we choose to use them. But with great power comes great responsibility. We must look beyond the humdrum and the mundane, we must choose greatness, and to be awake with infinite possibilities and expectations. 

We may not all be attending the same colleges, or discovering that our favored teacher is following in the footsteps of one Mr. George Feeney in order to teach us at University, but just as our television counter parts have done- we must forge ahead, whatever our paths, to find our own greatness and our niche in the world. 

Fellow Men and Women of 2010, it's been a long, strange trip in Foreman's basement, and the road ahead is paved with nothing but good intentions. 

Congratulations, you made it.

Not so sure about that ending. 

It could use some polishing. 

But what am I saying... it's just something I had to write in order to get the words out of my head so I could sleep

You have to fight for your right... to fight?

I just posted a blog. Lyrics. That was supposed to be enough; ambiguous, but symbolic. 

And yet here I am, unable to contain myself. I feel.... like I'm going to burst. 

I wanted to talk to Natasha last night when I woke up at 1:00, but she didn't answer my text, so I started talking to Molly about this whole Joey-Prom-Debacle, only to find out that she couldn't really talk, because she was out with Natasha. Which just ate at me- the fact that I couldn't talk to either of the people I wanted to, because they were with each other. I thought about calling Angel, but then realized the only thing I could think of to talk about with her was all the things I've missed while I've been gone, and I didn't want to hear about that. 

This three hour time difference is really getting to me. 

I ended up talking to Joey for a bit. I've officially resigned myself to stay out from the middle of him and Molly. Because they're my friends, and I want them to be happy, and I think they could be happy with each other, I keep playing the go-between, and it's not working. They're whole problem is that neither one will really talk to the other one about anything that really matters. So I've been trying to do it. And it's a disservice to them. And me. 

I am, after all, the one who keeps saying if you always do something for someone, why would they ever do it for themselves?

They're going to the beach. I don't want to go to the beach, but I don't want to stay here all by myself. 

No one at home has school, which should make this the perfect opportunity for me to talk to the people I've been wanting to talk to, but it's only 7 at home, which means that more than likely no one is even awake. 

I feel like the only thing keeping me tied to Vegas is Rainbow. I love it there, I don't want to leave it. But at the same time, knowing that next year I'm going to have to anyway- it hardly seems like reason enough to stay. 

I guess part of it has to do with the fact that whether I move this summer or not, I'm gonna be moving for college in a year anyway. Anyone that I'm really going to stay friends with after graduation is someone that I would stay friends with even if I moved now. 

The only thing even keeping me remotely attached to school for next year is Modern Lit. Not because Northwest is a bad school - because it's really not- I'm just not cut out for typical high school, and when it comes down to it, that's what it is- a typical high school. 

I'm such a different person when I'm away from the regular day-to-day routine I have at home. I don't want to go back. I don't like the person I am there. The person I am when I'm away doesn't fit into that mold. Doesn't work in the suffocating 6 hour school days being taught the same thing over and over again with the same types of people all just repeating everything they've ever done- parroting it all back. I don't want to be one of those people. But that's what I am when I'm there- a perpetually repeating parrot. 

it all makes me feel... sick to my stomach. 

That's probably... extreme, but it's one of those karmic death circles that once you get sucked in, you have to see the bleak side of it all. Extreme, but not necessarily untrue. 

I just.... need something new.