"She didn't invite you?"
It didn't really seem odd until I thought about it after that. I don't know if Natasha has ever really invited me to anything.
That makes me think of... well... a while ago.
I wanted to get together with Molly tonight, but she's at stamp club and I don't know if my mom will let me go out later. I need to move around.
I keep thinking about last night, and the fact that I don't like people seeing me when I'm in bad shape- all bruised and battered for no apparent reason.
Figuratively. Figuratively bruised and battered. Last thing I need is someone freaking out thinking I'm abused.
I make friends with people who don't want to be seem when they're not at the top of their game, so we all hide from each other when what we really need is to just let someone in and so we're all together and all alone.
I need a sense of balance. I don't know how to moderately care about someone. Be moderate friends with them. It somehow turns into an all or nothing thing.
Like- I can't stand not knowing where I stand with people. I would rather that people dislike me than they float around in unidentifiability.
Its why I couldn't be friends with Devon, or Chase
Okay- so there were other reasons why I couldn't be friends with them, but the culmination was that I couldn't take not knowing where I stood with them.
Just for kicks, while Devon is fresh in the brain
Natasha said the other day that Callie is kind of like Devon, and that it makes sense because she always had such a strong connection with Devon but things never quite... matched up right.
Which was kind of hard to hear. It shouldn't have been. But a lot of things shouldn't be.
I don't know where my head is. Actually, maybe I don't know where my heart is and so attempts to find it just get my head lost
Things I'd like to say:
1. I'm sorry. I'm not really being fair. I just don't know how else to be. I hope you know what I'm talking about.
2. I'm worried about you. I worry about you a lot.
3. I miss you.
4. I want to hold your hand.
5. I'm going to miss you soo soo soo much. Sometimes it feels like you're hardly a part of my life, and yet I still feel like I'll have no idea what to do without you around.
It's cold in here.
I need to stop brooding.
Someone tell me something funny.
-Have a good night.
