Showing posts with label bed. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bed. Show all posts

6.20.2009

Sleep Talks

"I want to be better for you. I want to be more. I want to be more than enough."


I can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved
I can't help someone who doesn't want help
I can't talk to someone who doesn't want to be talked to 

The things is- I never ever think to myself "I'm going to change this person" or "I'm going to help them" I just... do what I do. So how do you stop doing something you don't know you're doing... don't think you're doing? 
Maybe its not that I do those things as it is that people think I do
I dunno. 



I surround myself with peoples and situations that are... polar to my....
I can't finish that sentence. 

I guess I just don't get it and no one will seem to explain it to me

It hurts my heart when I think about it because it scares me. I don't think people really understand that. If they do... I guess they just don't care. 

my brain feels... messy right now, and I really just want to honestly talk it out with someone, but if I do that it means admitting that I'm in some of the same situations I said I wasn't gonna let myself into. 

I want to be better for you. I want to be better for you, and I want to be better for me and I don't want to make the same mistakes over again. 

If you want to drink yourself into submission, if you want to lie and deny, if you want to take a brief escape instead of finding a real one, if you just don't want to care any more, than go right ahead
you don't need my permission, but I'm giving it to you anyway because at least then I'm not watching from the sidelines, clawing at my chest
I won't care any less than I do now, it's just that this time I'm not going to let the fact that I care warp into something thats going to hurt me. 



I'm watching The Invisible. It's my first night home from camp, and I think I'm going to sleep on the couch- I'm not ready to go back to my bed yet.