After thought

I posted a blog not two minutes ago, but then I remembered a thought I was having earlier that I had wanted to comment on 

do you ever just want to tear someone down? Its like all this pressure builds and you just want to say everything horrible thing you can about that person. Only- you want to tell you truth. You want to say things to and about that person that are horribly true, because if you shove it at them hard enough, they can't hide from the truth. If you exaggerate, if you lie, then they can hide away from that- but if you tell the truth.... they can't hide from that. 

That's the most malicious feeling I've ever had

and I only ever get it about the people I care most about

because who cares about hurting someone you don't care about? You don't care. But if you really really care about them, and for whatever reason something brings on that malicious feeling, you have to turn all that caring into anger and attack because that's the only way it won't turn around and hurt you.

It's a horrendous thing. 

I hate feeling that way.

Especially because after I feel it, I don't really do anything about it- not anything that lives up to the massiveness of the feeling.... so it just makes you feel sick.