105- should that mean something?

I was supposed to go out last night

and then a bunch of people couldn't go

or cancelled 

and so I told Natasha I didn't think it sounded fun any more

but then I thought about it, and realized that I was just freaking out because things weren't going as planned, and that that was stupid, so I told her nevermind

and then she cancelled, allegedly because she thought that I didn't want to go

so I told her that wasn't the case

and she didn't say anything back so I thought she was mad

and then I asked her later and she said she wasn't

so I went to sleep

and the good dream that I was having about watching I don't remember what on television turned into a bad dream about Natasha sending me an email (which we did all the time when we first met, and now never do), about how I mess everything up and she doesn't invite me to stuff and a lot of other things that hurt my heart

and I can't get the feeling out of me

and I dreamed that Jon started smoking

and I hit him and told him that he was not going to smoke around me because that's disgusting

but he really wanted to smoke

it seemed really, really real.